I see it.
I see it, how you laugh around him or lean on his shoulder for comfort. When you sit together, I long to sit with you. When you rest on his shoulder, my heart is struck with pain. My shoulder was the shoulder you would lean on. I was the person you would run to, embracing me in a hug, soaking my shirt with tears. I would wrap my arms around you, holding you, keeping you safe and making you feel comforted. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You would look at me for reassurance and I would always be there to help you. But now… It’s his arms you’re wrapped in, his chest you cry into, his laughs you share. I was just a filler until Fitz came along.
I see it, how you hold hands, staring into each other’s eyes. You think I’m only teasing you when I talk about how you always stare at each other. I am… I was. Now, if you only looked at me instead, you would see that I’m almost being one hundred percent serious. You would see me cast a wane smile at you, hiding those emotions that I told you about. Now, all you see is an immature child, who jokes. You don’t remember what I told you. You’re only adding to the jokes. Your hands click together so securely and strongly I almost hate Fitz for it. It’s as if he knows, as if he can see my pain. You never held my hand that kindly. Was my touch not soft enough? Was I no good for you?
I see it, how you share almost everything. We used to do that, we used to be able to tell when we were both upset. I shared so much with you. Now, you have to share them with Fitz. Now, all those memories and talks we had are no longer ours. They’re yours, they belong to you and Fitz. It feels like you have forgotten how I joke just to cover up my emotions and keep them hidden from everyone… except you. You were the only one who understood me and what I was going through. I’m alone. I have nobody to talk to, nobody to share my feelings with. Am I just a memory to you? Just someone who stands in the background? Is our story not our story anymore? Those people you used to love- gone, nothing to you. Is it just the FITZPHIE show now? You aren’t the only elves alive here on this mission. FITZ isn’t the only one who helped you… so did… I. I… I was there too. You’ve been so caught up in romance that we are nothing, just background characters. We are just puppets in this show, you backing dancers, harmonisers, whilst you and Fitz are the greatest spectacle of the night. I’m not the only one. What about Dex, Biana, Tam, Linh, Marella and Wylie? Are we just shadows, the people who mean nothing to you? It hurts me the most though because they all have someone to go to and I don’t. Do you even care that Tam is gone? My only potential friend? I… need him to be here, by my side. He is one of the only things keeping me going. I wanted to be friends because… I knew you were slipping away. It made me wonder how you would have reacted if it was Fitz who was taken and not Tam. I don’t want to talk about it.
I see it, the way you look at him. Your eyes seems to be glued to him, you can’t rip them away. Your brown eyes with those beautiful golden flecks that remind me of those memories I didn’t want your beautiful eyes to see. They represent you, pure, beautiful and unique. You weren’t one to blend into the crowd. Weren’t. Now your like the other girls, trying to be perfect just to get the guy you want. Fitz. You act perfectly for him, just like almost every other girl. He’s the guy they’re after and so are you. I never expected it. I never expected you to be like the stereotype because you weren’t the stereotype. You’re something special. You have done so much, you have come so far. But you are just falling into the loop of typical boys and romance. I understand what Dex means. The hard rejection when you see the girl you love forget about you. I know you get butterflies in your stomach when you see him because your hands hover around that area and a lovestruck smile creeps across your lips. Redness flushes your cheeks and you look away, your hands fidgeting, trying not to tug out your eyelashes. Sophie, I know you, I understand you more than anyone else. More than myself, sometimes. I see it, the way you look into his Fitz’s eyes. His teal eyes that the girls fall for. The way you look into his eyes. It’s all you think of when you see him, they’re the first thing you look at. His eyes that you always stare into, his eyes that look around and see everything. His eyes that see me in the corner, his eyes that only pay attention to people who are important. His eyes that stop people from EVEN NOTIC… Breathe. Don’t cry. Don’t let the tears roll down your face and show them you are weak. Don’t let them know…
I see it, what you have been doing. I see it all through the tears that blur my vision and stay in my eyes. I see it, feel it and you don’t even know. I see it, that you don’t care for me anymore.
I see it, Keefe, just a shadow.